


seven ways to forget your name

by kitahart



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Marvel Avengers Fusion, Gen, Implied Past Abuse, Implied Torture, Memory Loss, Murder, nonconsensual drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 03:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3834739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitahart/pseuds/kitahart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>she is made to be pulled apart and put back together, aimed at a target and then shoved back into storage until the cold is all she knows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	seven ways to forget your name

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted [on tumblr](http://genderfluidarya.tumblr.com/post/109934023683/ficlet-seven-ways-to-forget-your-name), written as a response to a text post by [captainofalltheships](http://captainofalltheships.tumblr.com/post/95864065467/sansa-as-steve-trying-to-remind-her-sister-that).

**I.** the asset dimly remembers lemons.

she knew a girl who loved lemons once – lemon _cakes_ , maybe. she can almost remember the taste.

there are no lemons here in harrenhal, not unless they arrive fresh from the shipyards. she poisoned the captain last week, besides.

she’s not _supposed_ to remember lemons. she’s not supposed to remember a girl in soft silk dresses or a knife that could cut through men like butter or a kind hand running through her hair. she’s not supposed to remember _arryweaselnansaltybethcat_

_mercy_

_mercy_

_mercy._

**II.** your name is no one _sayitsayitsayit_.

 **III.** (it comes in flashes, sometimes. it shouldn’t. she dreams of tubes down her throat and her hair being cut. _the glint of a knife –_

she dreams of having two arms, sometimes. mostly, she doesn’t dream at all.)

 **IV.** when she’s not frozen, they drug her. it’s easier that way. blurrier. her kills blend into each other until she doesn’t even know whose blood is on her hands anymore. she barely realizes when they say, _wipe her._

because the thing is, she is a weapon. an _it_. she is a glimmer of metal in the sun, a swift, painless knife in the dark, and she does not feel pain. she does not feel pain. she does not feel –

she is not _supposed_ to feel pain. she is made to be pulled apart and put back together, aimed at a target and then shoved back into storage until the cold is all she knows.

**V.** what is my mission? what is my mission what is my mission what is my mission what is –

 **VI.** she thinks about falling, sometimes. only she doesn’t _think_ , because that’s for people, and she’s an asset. a machine. and if they _knew–_

but she thinks about falling. about the wind whistling through her hair. about reaching out for a hand to catch onto. she tries not to think about this the most.

there was a man on the roof yesterday, and she pushed him. he fell farther than she ever had.

and there are three pills in her hand and she doesn’t know how they got there, but she knows her mission and she knows who’s going to die tonight. by morning, chiswyck will be dead and she will be standing at attention, giving a report.

she drops them into the canteen, one by one by one.

**VII.** _who the hell is arya?_

she is no one, and the taste of forgetting is bitter on her tongue.

**Author's Note:**

> if you have questions/comments, i'm over [here](http://genderfluidarya.tumblr.com) on tumblr.


End file.
